i'm dying with every step i take
by lookingforthecracks
Summary: you just want a dash of hope, to be honest\/or andre actually kisses jade at the end of 'jade gets crushed', and every action has precedents and consequences. non linear


You love her.

She would never be yours, though.

(x)

"How long has this been going on?" she demands, her voice a few octaves higher than usual, and places her hands on her hips as if reprimanding a little kid.

"It all started Wednesday" you lie, whilst sighing in defeat "I'll get over it, though, don't worry."

You exit the room before she has a chance to say anything. She doesn't try to stop you either.

When you get home, you immediately lock yourself in your room, because, guess what?

You just lost your chance of ever telling her everything, and you ruined your friendship in the way.

Way to go, André.

Way. To. Go.

(x)

Sometimes, when you doze off in school, you like to think about what you could be.

You can imagine the songs you'd write for her (something you already do), and how she might occasionally drive you insane, but how you would never even consider breaking up, because you're sure she would be one of the best aspects of your life.

But, it's not, like, you have fantasies about her or anything. That would be pathetic and possibly creepy.

It's just wishful thinking (which is obviously less pathetic and not creepy at all, by the way).

(x)

You avoid her and Beck whenever you can. Luckily, the only class you have together this year is Sikowitz's, and you make sure to enter just a few seconds before him and exit as quickly as possible.

What else is there to do when you kiss your best friend's girl in front of everyone?

(x)

You're watching _Fresh Prince_ with her in your room at two in the morning, and she still looks so pretty. So, even though, she crashes at your house every time her mom has a party (which seems to be a bit reversed to you, but you've known her long enough you know she doesn't likes having to talk about it. So, you don't mention it), you can't believe she's actually there.

"It was really lame, y'know" she says out of nowhere stifling a sigh with her fist.

"What was?"

"Make It Shine."

"The song I wrote for the Showcase?"

"More like the performance" she yawns.

"Why? I think Tori did a good job."

"Yeah, well. I actually thought she was stupid" she rolls her eyes.

"Don't say that. She's my friend."

"Yeah, I saw. You too are really good friends."

"What?"

"Never mind." She turns back to the TV.

(x)

"André, you can't hide forever" Tori says softly one afternoon when they were practicing a performance for the Full Moon Jam.

"I know, but I can try" you reply while looking over the lyrics you just wrote.

"It isn't going solve anything, though" she tries to reason with him. "You'll have to face them sooner or later. Especially, Beck"

"Don't worry. I'll make a prayer circle for the third option A. K. A. never."

"André"

"I'm pretty sure I can get my grandmother in, maybe Cat too, if I get her some good candy"

"Talk to Beck." She insisted. "I bet he would understand. Jade is so pretty. I mean he probably deals with it a lot"

"Whatever you say, Tor" he sighed, knowing full well that Tori was about to start one of her many speeches about Jade and how the sun gives her skin an ethereal glow, especially when she's in the Asphalt Café, and how it isn't weird for her to notice, because anyone with eyes would (except it is kind of weird).

(x)

_Beck and Jade broke up._

The news gets to you, and you almost dance with glee (something no one would have wanted to see since you suck at dancing). But, you remember that that doesn't change that Beck is your best friend, and making a move in his recent exgirlfriend would be just awful.

So, as much as you don't want to, you decided that the best is to do nothing.

(x)

"Hey!" Beck catches you, when you tried to make a run for it after he spotted you "we need to talk"

"Look, man" you stare at the floor "I'm sorry"

"I just want to know what the hell happened." He said calmly.

"I was just wonky. But, now I'm okay, so I can assure you it won't happen again"

"Are you sure? Because, if you—"

"No ifs. I'm positive" you cut him off "I got to go now, though"

"Yeah, sure, I get it. But—"

You run off before he has a chance to finish that sentence.

(x)

"So, Jade's plan kindasorta worked. She and Beck are back together" Tori states when you go over to her house to do some Theater History project.

"That's great" you reply, and even you can hear the slight sorrowful tone in your voice that matches Tori's.

"You want to go to Freezy Queen?" she asks hopefully.

You just nod.

(x)

Jade is still avoiding you, and you really don't know what to think.

(x)

So, is official, Jade is 103135x prettier when she sings.

Maybe it is just how soft her voice sounds, or the way her face portrays such vulnerability. But, it's still true.

You, also want those lyrics to have a meaning behind it. A possibility that she might be able to return your feelings, even when that would basically be like opening Pandora's Box.

You just want a dash of hope, to be honest.

(x)

She pulls you towards the janitor's closet out of nowhere, and next thing you know, you're inside.

Once you are there, you take a deep breath, readying yourself for whatever is coming.

She kisses you.

Her lipstick tastes strawberries, and it makes you never want to stop.

But, you should stop because she's probably still with Beck, and doing this makes you both bad persons. Still, she's the only thing you care about right now, and doing what's right has never felt more meaningless than it does now.

Soon enough, you're both gasping for breath, and before you can stop yourself, you ask, "why?"

"I like you" she states simply.

"But, Beck—"

"Don't worry, Mother Teresa" she smirks, "we broke up last week."

"Last week? Don't you think is too soon—?" you start.

"Well, since Beck is already dating Robbie, I doubt it" she rolls her eyes.

"Still, I don't—wait, Beck is dating who?"

"Robbie" she rolls her eyes "dude's apparently bisexual."

(x)

Your mind apparently can't register the fact the Jade West is actually hugging you, so your body acts, and, before you know it, you're kissing her.

You hear everyone gasp (and, for some reason, giggling on Cat's part).

You pull away quickly, and leave, before anyone has a chance to follow you.

You turn off your phone and lie on your bed, and just think for a while.

And, you feel like its wishful thinking all over again, because you could have sworn, that for a second, she kissed you back.

* * *

><p><strong>so the jandre happening whilst reck is happening was inspired by my love for both ships and chrissy's jikowitz story (hope you don't mind bb) i'm not writing the name of the story bc idk if she would publish it on this site<strong>

**btw i'm sorry the jandre finally getting together felt (at least to me) rushed, but i'm too tired to expand on it, and i wanted to publish this now so**

**i'm also thinking of making a sort of sequel to this, so please tell me what you think about it**

**and lol please review :)**


End file.
